Columns en Archief

Om de beurt

08 June 2015
Door: Jeffrey Wijnberg

Hij wil vrijen. Zij niet. Zij wil elke zaterdag het hele huis een goede beurt geven. Hij niet. Hij wil met haar naar de film. Zij blijft liever thuis. Echtparen voeren dagelijks een strijd om de macht. En niet zelden leidt deze strijd tot emotionele verwijdering als aanloop naar een scheiding.

Jammer, want er is een hele simpele remedie: ieder zijn zin, om de beurt. Nu is het idee populair dat in een –zogeheten- gelijkwaardige relatie stellen er samen uit moeten kunnen komen. Maar de praktijk wijst uit dat dit niet werkt. Logisch ook, want je kunt niet half naar de film, net zo goed als het huis voor de helft opruimen weinig bevredigend is. Keuzes voor het één of het ander zijn impliciet zwart-wit. En geen van beide partners heeft zin om alleen maar naar de pijpen te dansen van de ander. Nu wordt ook vaak beweerd dat ruziënde stellen gewoon slecht communiceren. Maar dat is onzin, vooral ook omdat zij het uitstekend konden vinden met elkaar toen de relatie werd aangegaan. Ruzie is altijd een strijd om de macht. Aan vechtende stellen doe ik daarom dikwijls het volgende voorstel: ‘om de dag (of om de 2 of 3 dagen) is er een machtswisseling; op haar dag mag zij alles bepalen, op zijn dag is hij de baas’. Belangrijk bij deze afspraak is dat de baas-van-de-dag niet mag worden gesaboteerd als ook niet door lichaamstaal (draaiende ogen) van de ander mag worden ondermijnd. Kans is natuurlijk dat de baas-van-de-dag zijn/haar machtspositie misbruikt door de ander opdrachten te geven uit wraak. Zou kunnen. Maar de praktijk wijst uit dat dit zelden voorkomt. Beter nog: door de toegekende macht, zal de baas-van-de-dag juist meer rekening houden met wat de ander belangrijk vindt. Wie zich strikt aan de afspraak houdt, zal in korte tijd merken dat het wederzijds vertrouwen spectaculair groeit. Toegeven, het is een ingreep die nogal geforceerd van karakter is. Maar bekvechtende stellen hebben nu eenmaal een geforceerde ingreep nodig om elkaar weer lachend in de ogen te kijken. En het is vooral die lach wat maakt dat man en vrouw elkaar als echte partners kunnen ervaren.

Macht is nooit een probleem voor een ieder die de macht al heeft. Net als met geld: wie genoeg heeft, zit er niet om verlegen. En als het toch geen probleem is, gun de ander dan ook eens een dagje zeggenschap.

 


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  • This is an impressing article which gives us good thoughts and interests to read more article like the same.

    192.168.1.1
    26/08/2016 12:29
    (5 jaren geleden)

  • Thanks for sharing nice and great post.

    192.168.1.1
    26/08/2016 12:28
    (5 jaren geleden)

  • Original title: Hunan focus on promoting leading cadres will become a normal < br > net Changsha February 25 news (Xiaoxiang Morning News reporter Likefu) February 24, Hunan Province promote the leadership of cadres training video will be held, the Standing Committee of the provincial Party committee, provincial Party Committee Organization Department Minister Guo cheerful at the meeting stressed that should have a profound understanding of the central "to promote the leadership cadres of the Several Provisions (Trial)" (hereinafter referred to as "Regulations") promulgated and implemented, is of great significance to comprehensively grasp the "Regulations" and "Hunan Province promote leading cadre implementation rules (Trial)" (hereinafter referred to as the "implementation rules") spirit, efforts to promote the leading cadre of the formation of normal. <br> "Regulations" to make substantial progress in establishing a cadre system mechanism. Hunan provincial Party committee to promote the leadership of cadres attaches great importance to the work, combined with the actual development of the "implementation details". Last year, Hunan, combined with the provincial tube college party committees on the election, make full use of the cadres and the results of the annual appraisal and points situation is not suitable for as in-service leader cadre to be dismissed, cadres "under" convinced, warning incentive effect obviously. < br > Guo pointed out that the "Regulations" and "cadre appoint regulations" implemented in combination, , supplement each other, to further build the complete chain of cadre management, to implement the comprehensive strictly provides important system guarantee. "< br >" directed at the official, the official is not, chaos for cadres of chronic ills of official and weave dense weave strict strict management system of cages, the political is not strong, as work, style is not a pragmatic, honest, clean adjusting down, make the heart of cadres, and fear, said to have quit, the line has ended, and consciously practice the "three strict real strict requirements, promote the formation of the manifester, Yongzhe, liezhe eliminated the guidance and political environment. <br> Guo Kailang stressed that to promote the leadership of cadres, focusing on the implementation, the formation of long-term. To the implementation of the "provision" and "the implementation details," as a comprehensive strictly the party and an important task to grasp, to take effective measures, carefully organized and implemented, promoted or demoted to truly become a kind of normality. < br >, the Central Organization Department of Research Office patrol officer, deputy director of the Jing Hu Zhang for counseling report system. This paper introduces the promoting leading cadres of the Several Provisions (for Trial Implementation) "the drafting background and process, a comprehensive interpretation of the significance of the provisions and the specific provisions. Reporter Likefu < br > "there is orderly, < br >" Regulations "and" implementation details, "the biggest bright spot is to adjust the unfit for in-service cadres to make specific provisions. One is the "next" to. There is a clear qualification of cadres , must also be from the system to clear standards. "Implementation rules" on the basis of the "provision", according to moral,, diligence, performance, low classification, to is not suitable as a serving of "portrait", let cadres can control and easy judgment of organization, generally can perform. <br> two is "under the" orderly. The "implementation rules" in the "Regulations" based on the increase of "motion adjustment" link, and put forward specific requirements for each program. <br> three is a "road". "Regulations" and the implementation details, "to improve the cadre" under "follow-up management put forward to make clear a requirement, emphasizing to strengthen education to guide, to obtain the achievements and progress to spur encourage, outstanding performance, in line with the conditions and then, the" cadres "under pressure," "there is hope, continue to stimulate the vitality of cadre team. <br>

    whiteprivilege.pw
    01/05/2016 16:20
    (5 jaren geleden)

  • The last two years, "QiongYou" like a wave on both sides of the Changjiang River huobian. In the eyes of many young people, "QiongYou" is synonymous with freedom and personality. However, in the seemingly behind the scenes, it is a security risk. <br> reporter Zhao <br> while it is not prepared to take my daughter's mobile phone. Although <br> has been nearly sixty years of age, but the people of Beijing Liu Tong "hit" speed can be said to be "lightning". < br > however, daughter Zhang Huike was in no mood for mother good "skill" cheers, just graduated from university she frowned up and muttered "how you say don't understand". <br> this is not due to a mobile phone and the "struggle", which originated from Zhang Hui is the reply information. <br> "of Kunming, take the Sichuan Tibet line or Yunnan Tibet line can be. Find a brave woman ride together, a man and a woman is relatively the most safe and most likely to take a taxi combination......" This "pick up" information currently appearing in a popular "QiongYou" APP, Zhang Hui is one of the responder. < br > the "pick up" information, in Liu Tong seems like a time bomb, "the stranger and stranger, travel together, or 'tour', too dangerous, too terrible, too reckless." In the information sent to reporters, for the daughter to "QiongYou", Liu Tong used the most is "too". Of course, followed by a certain is derogatory. Since the < br > for a long time, domestic by shopping and expense items support tours is not in the minority, 2013 tourism law implementation, "zero negative membership fee", compulsive shopping is banned, the travel agency must put the shopping and expense items hidden in profit in the tour, Beijing, Shanghai, Anhui, Shandong and other many travel agencies line prices than in previous years over the same period there are different degrees of rise. Under this influence, more and more young people began to keen "QiongYou", it is with the least money to travel. < br > some no money but still optimistic, love to travel the Europe younger people, "QiongYou" this concept by a German Chinese students present. After 2011, Chinese students launched a "QiongYou" heat, is not "QiongYou" white college potential. At the same time, all kinds of "QiongYou" Master have also become the "inspirational example", and even popular network. <br> however, seemingly fame "QiongYou", are facing more and more problems test. < br > scenery or infinite crisis < br > "tour with relatively convenient save worry, but the schedule is too full, limiting too much." Zhang Hui's high school classmate Yang Han is worthy of the name "Backpackers", Tibet, Yunnan, Sichuan, Vietnam, Singapore, Kampuchea travel, is she and friends all the way to "fight", the longest travel time of 60 days. "< br > 'tour' can come into contact with many local people, understand more about the local customs and local culture, taste more authentic food, I think 'Backpackers' way to travel is a complete travel". Although the Han Yang to a lot of friends introduced all sorts of advantages of "QiongYou", but most people still disrelish a trouble, think they don't have the time, do not bother to check Raiders. <br> in fact, traditional and cumbersome "QiongYou" preparatory work is due to the rise of professional "QiongYou" website becomes simple. In Han Yang introduction, the reporter opened the a "QiongYou" theme of the site, through the "travel assistant, as long as the travel destination added, you can automatically generate the Raiders and travel notes, not only to recommend cost-effective Hotel and tourist attractions will according to the degree of from are listed in descending order. < br > "this summer European tour had intended to offer tours, but now fares are too high, and these professional 'tour' website can provide companion, and a comprehensive strategy, I decided his backpack tour of Europe." In many domestic "QiongYou" Yang Han told reporters. < br > in the opinion of the Han Yang once "QiongYou" Jiangxi had to sleep on the train station, "sleep station chair is' tour 'most valuable experience and enjoyment". <br> however, it appears in Liu Tong are not "QiongYou" dangerous par. "< br > 'tour' is exotic, you look at the recent online the two trapped in the highway of the Russian female students, if there is no good police help, she would starve to death." In the eyes of Liu Tong, consecutive similar case illustrates the risk of poor tour. <br> February 17th, to China "QiongYou" Russian student Nicola trapped Beijing high-speed service area of Chibi. Hungry and penniless, he see the car stopped, want to take a free ride, language barrier can not get the help of others; < br > monkey in the second day of the lunar year, a Russian female "backpacker" ride after trapped Henan high-speed, high-speed traffic police assistance, the female "Backpackers" set foot on the train. A few days later, and the girl, because of lost contact with friends, for several days did not eat her again trapped in Jilin. <br> "is that they don't have enough of the plan, and the language barrier." Zhang Hui's own reason. < br > Liu Tong and seek to come to such a case: < br > Holland a female "knapsack guest" during the time of traveling in Australia become "sex slaves". A man to her imprisoned in the hotel, and repeatedly raped and abused. Even in her forehead carved a "ten" word, to show of her possession; < br > Padova, Italy, a man with international tourism lodging websites that claim to provide free accommodation for young women, but took the opportunity to fall Rohypnol, the victim from around the world. <br> "it is that they do not have safety awareness." Zhang Hui continues to refute. <br> car to Piedmont Road "fearless" <br> Liu Tongjia debate continues. It does not seem to be a gap between the two generations, but the game "QiongYou" positive and negative . < br > "QiongYou", also known as a cheap travel, tourism economy, tourism destination information collection, according to its own conditions and tailored to the needs, the save travel expenses experience complete maximum experience of travel and tourism to tourism benefit maximization. < br > "here 'poor' is not in the true sense of the economic poor, but tourists a idea to spend the least money, exhaust the world scenery, the pursuit of freedom of mind and action." For "QiongYou", Yang Han understood that. <br> however, it is undeniable that the tourism safety is poor hot behind the worries. "So far," QiongYou "emerging is the lack of policy protection and legal protection, and no security response mechanism." As concern "QiongYou" national social science planning project fund project researchers, Su gratified said, traffic accidents, turmoil and conflict, natural disasters, social security and crime, fire and explosion, disease, tourists, is "poor Tour" security involves a few aspects. < br > through research, Su pleased to notice, at present "QiongYou" showing several characteristics: < br > "QiongYou" for the students; in front of the tourism will strict budget, mainly through the network access to the travel destination information; travel traffic choose cheaper train, bus or ride, hiking; diet tends to bring their own; choice of accommodation houses, family hotel, inn even comes with tent camping; visit with adventure and exploration properties; in tourist spending to try to save, focusing on the psychological feeling; have the best travel experience with the least money to pursue, and share "QiongYou" experience. < br > "as a result, the 'tour' activities to meet some tourists exploration in pursuit of novelty and prove yourself at the same time, will be accompanied by the occurrence of safety accidents. "QiongYou" safety is the interaction of natural and human factors, and always the penetration in the tourism process." Xin Wei Su said, "QiongYou" safety accident reasons mainly from three aspects: one is their own "QiongYou", which belongs to the subjective reasons of "QiongYou"; the second is a tourist destination tourism environment and facilities; the third is the tourism destination management. < br > in the visit, reporters noted, "QiongYou" before the trip will of tourism destination, weather conditions, social security and traffic conditions to fully understand, with reasonable arrangements for the route and itinerary. However, some "QiongYou" in the actual tour tend to temporary change in itinerary, especially with the adventure trip, did not fully understand the new rush forward. In Han Yang tells the once sleeping in the train station is because her temporary decided to change the itinerary, and does not agree with the accompanying "backpacker" "throw" at the train station. <br> security preparations are often not subject to some "QiongYou" attention. When asked about Zhang Hui will be how to face the Sichuan Tibet line, physical condition, clothing and equipment, standing drugs, communications equipment and so on to prepare for what, a reporter from the the girl's back part of skull and a sentence "car to the front there will be road" rhetoric ". < br > "Hongbian the half the sky," after the regulatory gaps < br > although already has the "popular in the half the sky," the trend, but at present "QiongYou" are still many regulatory beyond the scope of management. <br> access to relevant information, the reporter noted, there is no relevant departments issued a special safeguard "QiongYou" security measures. < br > "QiongYou" as a new, non mass of tourism, despite a few tourists respected, but from the perspective of economic interests of related parties generally lax management 'tour', are more reluctant to take the responsibility for safety of the 'poor tour. " Xin Wei Su said that the tourism administration department as a tourist safety management department, although the protection "QiongYou" tourism safety responsibility, but "QiongYou" as a new type of travel tour way, relevant departments currently there is inevitably management gaps. And "QiongYou" travel arbitrarily large, travel behavior not within the arrangement of tourism enterprises. Therefore, tourism administrative departments is difficult to the safety of real-time tracking and supervision and management. < br > in this regard, Beijing Tourism Association Deputy Secretary General Liu SM told reporters, the relevant departments should gradually establish and perfect the "QiongYou" security early warning mechanism for the formation of a complete early warning system, "QiongYou '' safety pre warning system of responsible tourism safety information collection and analysis, strategy and information release and other functions, is the tourism administration department issued travel safety information, tourism safety and accident prevention organization. "QiongYou" safetywarning content should include: social security, early warning of natural disasters, weather warning etc.". <br> in the Soviet Union should build "relief, rescue system security QiongYou". < br > "QiongYou '' safety relief system is established for the implementation of the tourist rescue of the type of division of labor and cooperation work system, including with the tourism safety related to various organizations. The system includes tourist rescue command center, tourist rescue mechanism, direct and indirect peripheral mechanism of external agencies." Xin Wei Su said that indirect outside institutions refers to those indirectly involved in the accident rescue departments, including the news media and communications departments, insurance companies, tourism and community, its role is after the claims, the supervision of public opinion, information transfer and help aid, these institutions can help "QiongYou" to reduce accidents caused by damage. < br > in addition, liusimin told reporters stressed that "QiongYou" policy and safety regulations is "QiongYou" security is an important guarantee, "QiongYou" safety management provide the basis to guide and regulate "QiongYou" security system of early warning and rescue behavior. "<br>" QiongYou "because of the time is not long, there is no specific laws and regulations to regulate them. Therefore, it is imperative to establish a 'tour' rescue mechanism and relevant legislation and strengthen government supervision, establish training 'tour' skills education system, strengthen publicity and education, improve the 'tour' of the security risk prevention awareness, and the 'tour' relevant insurance system perfect. " Liu Simin said. <br> editor: Chen Yan SN225<br>


    20/04/2016 16:07
    (5 jaren geleden)

  • Thank you for sharing.

    directional coupler
    26/08/2015 05:52
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  • Auto insurance policy with recommended coverage must meet the particular vast expenditure of money associated with accidents. Inside California, automobile insurance for drivers is necessary by regulations.

    Parent
    23/07/2015 06:47
    (6 jaren geleden)

  • I would like to thank you for the efforts you have made in writing this article.

    hublot replica
    24/06/2015 09:30
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  • Pracht-idee! Ik wens mezelf toe ooit nog een man te vinden die hiervoor open staat en die het niet nodig heeft het van een ander (lees: therapeut) te horen.

    Floria
    15/06/2015 08:16
    (6 jaren geleden)

  • nooit last van gehad, mijn partner en ik zitten gelukkig op dezelfde lijn

    didi
    09/06/2015 14:36
    (6 jaren geleden)

  • Supergoed idee!!

    Edv
    09/06/2015 14:10
    (6 jaren geleden)

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